Things you say, things you do sure worry me.

D.I. show tonight, a little lame. Four hours of OC hardcore bands and kids around the age of 15 standing around sneaking beers and being brats.

I think I remember being that age. We were self absorbed too, but we had friends and mentors to show us we were wrong. To remind us how lucky we were (and we weren't $300 cell phone lucky). To show us what was right. I don't see that in these kids.

I don't see that in the scene out here. I remember being taught when I was 15 that you didn't drink in a venue that was nice enough to host shows you wanted to see, because that would cost them their license, the bartenders and bouncers their jobs, and there would be no more shows. That went double for smoking pot. I remember being taught that you didn't punch holes in the walls or piss on the floor. I remember being taught that if you really really really really needed something, you could ask for it (and most times someone would give it to you) but you could never take it. Its not the corporations you're hurting, its your friends who work for $5.75/ hr and have to pay $800/month for rent and haven't been able to see a dentist since they graduated high school. I remember being taught that it was ok to ask for spare change, but to remember that ultimately you had a home to go to (even if it was unpleasant) and to give up the money if someone else needed it more.

Kids here don't seem to understand that, and if you try to tell them, they cop an attitude. Like the world owes them a favor for giving them this silver spoon world. They're not interested in building a better world, they're interested in scoring better coke. They're not interested in helping people or themselves (unless its a five finger discount helping yourself). They want to sit around and call each other faggots, and talk about how the cops are all so stupid they must be sitting around sucking each other's dicks. I guess we shouldn't be surprised kids aren't interested in relationships when they've been raised to view terms and acts of love as expressions of hate.

I see kids in designer clothes, driving brand new cars back to their parent's homes where they live rent free with more spending money than I had pretty much up until last year, and I leave the show and get on the train to go home. There's a man passed out in one of the seats, and someone has vomited near the door. Walking home from the train station I pass prostitutes, huddled sleeping forms, and a man scraping shit off his shoe on the side of the curb. I handed out $150 in grocery store gift cards over the last two months, but it doesn't really make a difference. And the grocery store sells liquor.

I remember everyone we hung out with over dosing. One by one, names crossed off the list. Each one you thought would be the last, and it never was. Joe's birthday, Jim Brady. Then the new generation, Krissy's friends/lovers. I see kids here with every opportunity throwing it away on cocaine and heroin and meth and laughing, like its some great joke. Like they never wanted this life anyway. Like their mothers won't cry. Like their friends won't notice when they pass a convenience store with the same name, and think about how you'll never see it. I see kids too worried about looking cool in front of their friends and too brainwashed by TV to look around, to get involved. They scream along with their favorite song lyrics. They wave their middle fingers at the stage. But the majority of them won't vote. Most of them don't know a single person serving in the military, those classes are too far below them. They have no idea, and they make no effort to find out. Mike's friend with no legs. The Marines who come back, and spend every night screaming.

Its depressing, and I can only hope I'm wrong. I don't understand how anyone can live here and not want to change things. I don't understand how you can sing lyrics again and again about government, equality, and action and believe in none of those things.